The Lying, Cheating Thief

There are several things that I want you to know about teens today. The most important is that they are not inherently bad. I've been surprised by a few in the past few weeks who have been willing to share with me WHY they are not realizing their potential. Guess what? They don't think that anyone expects them to.

Do you feel that way?

I know I don't.

But, are we letting them know? Think about that for a minute and then read on...

As promised in my last post, I'm going to tell you what has me concerned. The first concern I listed was lying, cheating, and stealing. This is how I see it:

Lying: Kids lie to avoid punishment, to avoid confrontation, or to cover. It's that simple. How can we make them realize that lying is NOT helping any situation?

I want you to think about your reaction when your child ignores you, disobeys, fails to follow through, or is just too lazy to listen. This reaction could be adding to the knee-jerk lying. So many kids lie out of habit, even if the truth is a better option. This is NOT to say it is your fault, but kids are more likely to be honest with you if they feel that there will not be an immediate outburst, punishment, confrontation, or realization of disappointment. Bottom line, they won't need to cover if you are there to listen with concern...NOT friendship. There is a difference. They want rules and boundaries, but they also want to know that there is love and concern.

Cheating: Chances are your child is cheating somewhere in his or her life...right now. Copying homework, texting answers for a test to a classmate, searching the Internet for a research paper they can pass of as original...it does not occur to them that this is cheating. The sad part is that when a teacher catches a student plagiarizing, copying, or something of the like, the parents back their child. This signals a green light for more cheating. Is it any wonder that crimes like embezzlement and fraud are becoming more commonplace. It is our job to define cheating and to teach our kids that this is not acceptable behavior.

Stealing: This can apply to situations at school, but I'm more concerned with shoplifting. This is becoming a new hobby for kids. It isn't just poor kids who want to fit in who are doing it. Frankly, the kids who want for nothing are seeking this as a thrill and a game. The obvious suggestion is to be alert and aware of your child's possessions and whereabouts. I'm shocked at how many parents are oblivious as to where their children are and where a new pair of $130 jeans may have come from.

Recently, a few of my students have "opened the vault" to reveal that behavior such as this is often a way to seek attention. Because the adult world is rushed and focused on earning the almighty dollar, kids are falling through the cracks. They may be testing us to see if we follow through, if we care enough to confront them, and if we will enforce curfews and house rules.

If you suspect your child of the behavior described above, don't flip out on them and put them under house arrest! Be calm, try to get them to tell you what is going on in their life, investigate, just don't ignore it.

Bottom line: Kids need to know that if they choose to tell you the truth, even if it is horrible, you will be there for them. They need clear definitions of cheating and stealing. That probably sounds silly, but this generation is all about what is actually articulated and defined. Don't be afraid to teach a simple lesson if it will communicate expectation and moral value.